I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
