This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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