when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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