I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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