when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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