Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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