Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
