Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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