Got a toothbrush?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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