watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
