why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
