last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize