He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
