does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
