Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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