So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
