so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
