You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
