Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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