I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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