Non-Jews are for practice
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
