Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Bring me that man meat
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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