You're completely useless in the revolution.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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