thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
