you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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