my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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