did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize