is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
