I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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