if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
