I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize