Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
