Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
