shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
