she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize