it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
