There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
