I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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