I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
