They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
