thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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