Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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