I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
