im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
