How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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