so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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