I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
