its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
