Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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