So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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