I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize