yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
