do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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