I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
