so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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