worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
