Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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