in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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