I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
