if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
