btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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