im holly from the hills drunk
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
