I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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