he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
