Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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