Umm I'm too high to move.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
