All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
