He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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