I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
