ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He shit in the fireplace
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
