he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize