yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
