so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
