I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
