foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
